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现实搞笑的话怎么说大全

2024-05-28其他范文下载文档

无论是身处学校还是步入社会,大家都尝试过写作吧,借助写作也可以提高我们的语言组织能力。相信许多人会觉得范文很难写?下面是小编帮大家整理的优质范文,仅供参考,大家一起来看看吧。

现实搞笑的话怎么说篇一

1. 世界那么乱,装纯给谁看。

2. 距离产生的不是美,是小三。

3. 你的话,我连标点符号都不信。

4. 男人的实力就是你兜里的人民币。

5. 笑只是一个表情,与快乐无关。

6. 花花世界,是我太认真。

7. 当幸福来敲门的时候,我或许不在家。

8. 早该没心没肺,不用现在撕心裂肺。

9. 我没有那么多的感慨,仅仅想有个人陪。

10. 你说你会等我回来,你是等了,还找了一个人一起等。

11. 不要对我太好,让我分不清你是爱情还是友情。

12. 爱你,很久了!等你,也很久了!现在,我要离开你了,比很久很久还要久。

13. 女人,长得漂亮是优势,活得漂亮是本事。

14. qq在线率越高,证明这个人越寂寞。

15. 你没那么多观众,别那么累。

16. 古龙说过,爱笑的女孩子,运气不会太差。

17. 活在当下,别在怀念过去或者憧憬未来中浪费掉你现在的生活

1、昨天梦见上帝说可满足我一个愿望我拿出地球仪说要世界和平,他说太难换一个吧,我拿出你的照片说要这人变漂亮,他沉思了一下说拿地球仪我再看看。

2、一女奇丑,嫁不出去,希望被拐卖。终于梦想成真,却半月卖不出去。绑匪将其送回,她坚决不下车,绑匪咬牙一跺脚:走,车不要了

3、20年前爸爸抱着你等车,人都笑话孩子长得难看,爸爸哭了。一卖香蕉的老大爷拍拍爸爸说:“大兄弟别哭了,拿只香蕉给猴子吃吧!真可怜,饿的都没毛了。”

4、飞机上,一只鹦鹉对空姐说:“给爷来杯水”,猪也学鹦鹉,对空姐说:“给爷来杯水”,空姐大怒,将鹦鹉和猪都扔下了飞机。这时鹦鹉对猪说:“傻了吧,爷会飞。”

5、有个老农在地里锄地,一只乌鸦飞过,拉了泡屎掉在老农脸上,老农抬头大骂:“靠你妈!出门也不知道穿条裤衩!”乌鸦说:“靠!你丫拉屎穿裤衩呀!”

6、话说某位女士一时兴起,买了一只母鹦鹉。没想到带回家里,它说的第一句话就是:“想跟我上床吗?”

女士一听,心想:坏了,外人还以为这话是我教的呢, 这不把我的淑女形象全给毁了。于是她想尽办法,想交那只鹦鹉说些高雅的东西,可是那只母鹦鹉算是铁了心了,只会说一句话:“想跟我上床吗?”

…… 怎么办呢?在那位女士失去主张的时候,听说神父那儿也养了一只鹦鹉(公的),而且那只鹦鹉,不但不讲粗话,反而是个虔诚的教徒,每天大部分时间里都在祷告。于是那位女士去找神父求助。神父明白她的来意之后,面色微难的说:“这个,很难办呀,其实那只鹦鹉,也并没有刻意的教它什么,它之所以这么虔诚,也可能是长期在此受熏陶的缘故吧。”

神父见女士很失落,便说道:“这样吧,你把那只鹦鹉带到我这里来,我把它们放在一起。希望经过一段时间,你那只鹦鹉能够被感化。我只能做这些了,有没有效果,就看神的旨意了……”

女士一听,也只能这样了,不是有句话叫:近朱者赤吗?试试吧。于是她把鹦鹉带到神父那里。神父依照诺言把两只鹦鹉放在了一起。开始母鹦鹉还有些拘谨,看那只公鹦鹉在笼子的一角,默默的祷告,还真不忍心打扰。可是她还是管不住自己,终于朗声说道:“想跟我上床吗?“

公鹦鹉听到这话,停止了祷告,转身看了看母鹦鹉,忽然泪如雨下:“感谢上帝,我祷告这么多年的愿望终于实现了……”

7、女孩子不要这样说

一男对一女说:“我请你吃饭。”

女说:“改日吧。”

1.一个人总要走陌生的路,看陌生的风景,听陌生的歌,然后在某个不经意的瞬间,你会发现,原本是费尽心机想要忘记的事情真的就那么忘记了。

one is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to strange music. then one day, you will find that the things you try hard to forget are already gone.

2.幸福,不是长生不老,不是大鱼大肉,不是权倾朝野。幸福是每一个微小的生活愿望达成。当你想吃的时候有得吃,想被爱的时候有人来爱你。

happiness is not about being immortal nor having food or rights in one's hand. it’s about having each tiny wish come true, or having something to eat when you are hungry or having someone's love when you need love.

3.爱情是灯,友情是影子,当灯灭了,你会发现你的周围都是影子。朋友,是在最后可以给你力量的人。

love is a lamp, while friendship is the shadow. when the lamp is off,you will find the shadow everywhere. friend is who can give you strength at last.

4.我爱你不是因为你是谁,而是我在你面前可以是谁。

i love you not for who you are, but for who i am before you.

5.爱情,要么让人成熟,要么让人堕落。

love makes man grow up or sink down.

6.举得起放得下的叫举重,举得起放不下的叫负重。可惜,大多数人的爱情,都是负重的。

if you can hold something up and put it down, it is called weight-lifting; if you can hold something up but can never put it down,it's called burden-bearing. pitifully, most of people are bearing heavy burdens when they are in love.

7.我们每个人都生活在各自的过去中,人们会用一分钟的时间去认识一个人,用一小时的时间去喜欢一个人,再用一天的时间去爱上一个人,到最后呢,却要用一辈子的时间去忘记一个人

we all live in the past. we take a minute to know someone, one hour to like someone, and one day to love someone, but the whole life to forget someone.

8.一个人一生可以爱上很多的人,等你获得真正属于你的幸福之后,你就会明白一起的伤痛其实是一种财富,它让你学会更好地去把握和珍惜你爱的人。

one may fall in love with many people during the lifetime. when you finally get your own happiness, you will understand the previous sadness is kind of treasure, which makes you better to hold and cherish the people you love.

9.年轻的时候会想要谈很多次恋爱,但是随着年龄的增长,终于领悟到爱一个人,就算用一辈子的时间,还是会嫌不够。慢慢地去了解这个人,体谅这个人,直到爱上为止,是需要有非常宽大的胸襟才行。

when you are young, you may want several love experiences. but as time goes on, you will realize that if you really love someone, the whole life will not be enough. you need time to know, to forgive and to love. all this needs a very big mind.

10.当明天变成了今天成为了昨天,最后成为记忆里不再重要的某一天,我们突然发现自己在不知不觉中已被时间推着向前走,这不是静止火车里,与相邻列车交错时,仿佛自己在前进的错觉,而是我们真实的在成长,在这件事里成了另一个自己。

when tomorrow turns in today, yesterday, and someday that no more important in your memory, we suddenly realize that we are pushed forward by time. this is not a train in still in which you may feel forward when another train goes by. it is the truth that we've all grown up. and we become different.

11.离开我就别安慰我,要知道每一次缝补也会遭遇穿刺的痛。

if you leave me, please don't comfort me because each sewing has to meet stinging pain.

12.曾经拥有的.,不要忘记。不能得到的,更要珍惜。属于自己的,不要放弃。已经失去的,留作回忆。

don’t forget the things you once you owned. treasure the things youcan’t get. don't give up the things that belong to you and keep those lost things in memory.

13.我喜欢并习惯了对变化的东西保持着距离,这样才会知道什么是最不会被时间抛弃的准则。比如爱一个人,充满变数,我于是后退一步,静静的看着,直到看见真诚的感情。

i love and am used to keeping a distance with those changed in this way can i know what will not be abandoned by time. for example, when you love someone, changes are all around. then i step backward and watching it silently, then i see the true feelings.

14.男人的爱是俯视而生,而女人的爱是仰视而生。如果爱情像座山,那么男人越往上走可以俯视的女人就越多,而女人越往上走可以仰视的男人就越少。

men love from overlooking while women love from looking up. if love is a mountain, then if men go up, more women they will see while women will see fewer men.

15.好的爱情是你通过一个人看到整个世界,坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界。

good love makes you see the whole world from one person while bad love makes you abandon the whole world for one person.

16.在自己面前,应该一直留有一个地方,独自留在那里。然后去爱。不知道是什么,不知道是谁,不知道如何去爱,也不知道可以爱多久。只是等待一次爱情,也许永远都没有人。可是,这种等待,就是爱情本身。

we shall always save a place for ourselves, only for ourselves. and then begin to love. have no idea of what it is, who he is, how to love or how long it will be. just wait for one love. maybe no one will come out, but this kind of waiting is the love itself.

17.有谁不曾为那暗恋而痛苦?我们总以为那份痴情很重,很重,是世上最重的重量。有一天,暮然回首,我们才发现,它一直都是很轻,很轻的。我们以为爱的很深,很深,来日岁月,会让你知道,它不过很浅,很浅。最深和最重的爱,必须和时日一起成长。

is there anyone who hasn't suffered for the secret love? we always think that love is very heavy, heavy and could be the heaviest thing in the world. but one day, when you look back, you suddenly realize that it's always light, light. we all thought love was very deep, but in fact it's very thin. the deepest and heaviest love must grow up withthe time.

18.在这个世界上,只有真正快乐的男人,才能带给女人真正的快乐。

in this world, only those men who really feel happy can give women happiness

19.女人如果不性感,就要感性;如果没有感性,就要理性;如果没有理性,就要有自知之明;如果连这个都没有了,她只有不幸。

if a woman is not sexy, she needs emotion; if she is not emotional, she needs reason; if she is not reasonable, she has to know herself clearly. coz only she has is misfortune.

20.一段不被接受的爱情,需要的不是伤心,而是时间,一段可以用来遗忘的时间。一颗被深深伤了的心,需要的不是同情,而是理解。

an unacceptable love needs no sorrow but time- sometime for forgetting.a badly-hurt heart needs no sympathy but understanding.

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